When I was a single parent, self employed, alternative college student, I was always rushing. I used to fantasize about being an octopus so I could do more things at once. And I worked late into the night. It was a coping skill. It wasn’t good.
Then I read Thomas Merton. We all know his famous art quote: Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.
But he also said:
“There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist most easily succumbs: activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”
This was a game changer for me. And I learned to prioritize better. To take time off. I thought I really got it. My life was better.
Still, I realized that I had some lingering habits when I literally fell up the stairs carrying a bunch of stuff to the studio. Sounds like slapstick humor in a sitcom. But seriously, what if I broke my arm.
I like to be efficient. I like to have my house in order. I like the buzz of getting stuff done. I take clothes to the laundry room on my way to the studio, do the dishes while eating my lunch, and scroll social media while watching TV. I justify this because time is fleeting and multi tasking saves time!
Or so I thought.
“Multitasking is like drunk driving.” –Susan David, psychologist and TED speaker.
Ah ha!
Multi-tasking isn’t healthy, or safe, or fun. That buzz of getting stuff done isn't what I am chasing. I want that creative flow. You’ve heard of runners’ high. Creative flow is like that for artists. But it is more important in the process of the art making than the rewarding feeling of finishing the race. It is that lovely place when the making is strong and the critic’s voice is quiet. The intuition directs and the ideas are surging. It is a sign of a successful day’s work for an artist.
So my next big lesson is how to get stuff out of the way efficiently so that I have more time to do the important work.